It was my father's 60th birthday today, and I decided to dedicate today's blog to him. There is so much to tell about my father. He really is an extraordinary person. He is kind, loving, caring, adventurous, loves life and everything it has to offer. There is so little he needs to be happy. I can't say he has been the best father to me or my siblings but he really is an extraordinary person. The reason he hasn't been the best father is not because he didn't want to but because he didn't know better. He was brought up without a father, and I think he never actually learned how to father himself. He has very high expectations of his children even when he didn't try his best to deserve their love and respect. He, like many other parents of his generation, thinks that his children "owe" him one way or another. I think he has changed throughout years though. He used to drink and when he was drunk, I despised being in his company. He was not abusive, NO! He never emotionally, physically or verbally abused anyone. He's way too kind for that. However, he would turn into this completely different person who I could never have respect for. He would talk about these irrational, immature and selfish things to which my reaction would be, "Is he serious, he can't POSSIBLY be serious!". There was a time in my life where I had to live with him for 3 years and that was the time when he turned from my best friend to a person who I almost despised. That was also the time when I realized that no matter how much I loved him and wanted him in my life, I could not EVER live with him... He drank heavily during that time too so I think that was the reason why our relationship transformed so dramatically during that period. One night I had to run away to my aunt's house at 3 AM in the morning because him and his lover (who had no sense of proper behavior whatsoever) almost emotionally killed me with their selfishness. Throughout my childhood and up until my late teens I ADORED him!!!! He meant EVERYTHING to me. He was my BEST friend...My high school years were filled with excruciating pain because of my peers and if it wasn't for him I might not have survived it. Actually not MIGHT, I WOULDN'T have survived it! Anything bad that happened...I knew I could go to him, and only minutes after our conversation I would feel light again. So it was painful to see how our relationship digressed during the time my mother was away. When my family finally reunited our relationship improved a little but it was nothing like before. My parents ended up getting a divorce, and I saw my father only once in a while and even that was more for the sake of habit than anything else. He was now completely alone...my brother didn't want anything to do with him, my sisters had had enough, and I was the only person who talked to him. One day I saw him and he was sober and he was so sad!!!! I said, "Dad, what's the matter?", and he told me how he had been thinking about how much he had hurt his children and how guilty he felt. He told me about the conversation he had had with my oldest sister and how he thought he had hurt her. I asked him if he was drunk when he talked to her and he nodded. I said, "Dad, alcohol is ruining your relationship with everyone, don't you understand that? I don't know how much longer I can handle it myself. You need to stop before you have lost everyone that matters. I don't LIKE you as a human being when you are drunk...you turn into this extremely selfish person and you need to do something about it". I didn't see my father for three whole months after that. The next time I saw him, he opened his wallet and gave me a gift...the best gift I have ever gotten!!! It was an alcoholics anonymous chip for three months. My father had been sober for three whole months! He has been sober for 3 YEARS now!
I wrote a status message in facebook today congratulating him (he's not on facebook, though:) and my oldest sister "liked" it. I got so happy and I told my father today that she says happy birthday. His eyes got so sad and happy at the same time. He said, "I wish she could see how much I have changed. I wish the day will come when she will forgive me because if it wasn't for her, I wouldn't have made this radical change to my life. She was my wake-up call, and I have to thank her for every sober day I live...".
I hope he will continue his commitment to sobriety, and that one day we can all live happily ever after :) But for everyone to come around, I think we need a little more time :) I just wish it's not too late. I love you daddy!
2 comments:
I got goosebumps reading this post, very deep and emotional. I can totally relate to this, cause my dad had the same drinkin problem, so I exactly know how it feels.
Our fathers are amazing, but they are indeed like little kids, they need a lot of love and attention.
I loved ur blog so keep up the good job!
thank you so much for reading and commenting. It means the world to me to know that something I wrote hit home for you!
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